Donald Trump and Mike Pence:
"It's a very exciting time for America. Your voices represent a bright new future for our great nation full of more opportunities for everyone, not just a select few. Together, we have created a movement that continues to gain momentum. Together, we are making history. Together, we are bringing back the American Dream. The time is now. Together, we WILL Make America Great Again!"
Hillary Clinton Tim Kaine:
"Hillary Clinton has served as secretary of state, U.S. senator from New York, first lady of the United States, first lady of Arkansas, a practicing lawyer and law professor, and an activist. But the first thing her friends and family will tell you is that she’s never forgotten where she came from or who she’s been fighting for throughout her life."
Gary Johnson and William Weld:
"Gary Johnson and William Weld offer a breath of fresh air to a presidential election that is otherwise consumed by divisive partisan rhetoric. Both Johnson and Weld are former two-term Governors and both won re-election by appealing not just to their party, but to all voters. In fact, William Weld won his second term with the largest margin of victory in the history of Massachusetts."
Rick Astley (P):
"Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, Never gonna run around and desert you, Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye, Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you."
Jimmy Kimmel (VP):
"Jimmy Kimmel doesn’t just believe in the American Dream – he has lived it. Through hard work, determination and personal sacrifice, Jimmy was able to turn his natural capacity for mirth into a multi-million dollar empire that today employs more than a hundred members of his family... Jimmy is very good at Scrabble."
"President Cthulhu will break all species and gender barriers. President Cthulhu will break all economic, social, and security barriers. Greatest of all, President Cthulhu will break the barriers of reality... Cthulhu is a true leader who has no need to deceive Americans to vote for him. There will be no left or right pivots. There will be no vague statements on an issue. There will be no hidden agendas after the election."
Emperor Palpatine and Darth Vader:
"If you don't vote Palpatine/Vader you are part of the Rebel Alliance and a traitor... Together we can rule the galaxy... Join us or die"
Everybody Sucks 2016:
If none of these candidates seem reasonable to you, you can just not vote and tell everybody you know that "Everybody Sucks" by deploying some great merchandise.
As you may notice neither Rick Astley nor Palpatine/Vader have their own website, they just have Facebook pages. Yes, that is a challenge, random blog viewer, I would love to see websites for these candidates so if you make one, comment below and I'll give you a shoutout.