March 10, 2015

Tuesday
Happy Birthday Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.
Chuck Norris once broke a mirror over the head of a black cat while standing under a ladder on Friday the thirteenth. The next day he won the lottery.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
Chuck Norris can put out a fire with a gallon of gasoline
Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number, you pick up the wrong phone.
Fear of spiders is called arachnophobia, fear of tight spaces is called claustrophobia, and fear of Chuck Norris is just plain logic.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
Chuck can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is courage?" He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

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